Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
