I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
