Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
