Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
