"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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