The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
