wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
