how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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