It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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