the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
