Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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