I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
