Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize