Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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