My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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