I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
