Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
