But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
