You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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