hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
