Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
