One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
