you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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