I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
