i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
