sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
