he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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