Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
