Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This can only be settled by a dance off.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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