well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
