I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
