Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
