I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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