ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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