i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
