gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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