He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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