I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
