Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
