Already got asked if we're dating
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
