Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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