there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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