Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
