Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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