Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
