i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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