My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
