he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
