tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
