You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
