I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
