I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
