I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
