my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I am available for nakedness
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I love you.
Bad choice
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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