While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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