i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
