I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The uberlube is also flammable
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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