They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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