Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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