White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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