checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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