So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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