Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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