I've blown a few things in my day
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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