you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I am naked and annoyed.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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