i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
