i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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