is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
