God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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