We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
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My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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