He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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