i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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